The Bike Crash

Alex On A Saturday – Bike Crash

Saturday morning, 9.25 – nearing the end of a journey to Ladbroke Grove.

A nice morning, and a good ride. In so far as any vehicle with approximately 9 horsepower is going to be entertaining, the Vespa has been entertaining.

You find as a Vespa rider that there are things you can do which are much harder on a big bike – nipping through small spaces etc. This is entertaining, as all these guys with sports bikes are actually no quicker through traffic, and this aggravates them.

They always muscle in front when taking off from lights and then get screwed when things get tight. The emotion is a bit like driving a Mini Cooper through the gridlock in the Italian Job.

Unfortunately, stopping is a weak point, especially when combined with sharply swerving to avoid an old, elegant lady who steps out into the road in front of you.

I saw her and beeped, but alas, her reactions were too slow – and I can't help feeling that the shrill screech of the Vespa's horn might actually inspire paralysis rather than evasive action in some people. Our old lady, dressed in fur and sunglasses, peered myopically at me and didn't move.

Braking and turning is never a good idea. I felt the front end go and I hit the deck. Thought – right, I'm hitting the deck now.

Watch the bike slide away on the tarmac. No tinkle of broken glass – a good sign, I think as my slide comes to an end.

The old woman is standing there speechless. I ask her:

'What are you doing?'

My tone is one of surprise, pity – I'm not angry with her, and I don't shout or swear. I tut and shake my head. She looks like she's going to attempt some self-defense. I don't want to hear it – I'm calm and I don't want to hear bullshit and get stressed.

I walk off. There are of course bystanders. A group of lads wearing sunglasses. They ask me, am I alright? I consider – yes I'm fine, I say. I pick up my bike and pray it starts – its already cosmetically compromised, so I'm not really worried about the scratches.

It starts.

Sure you don't want to take a few minutes to chill out mate?

I consider – no I'm fine, I say – she just stepped out in front of me, I say.

I want confirmation.

Yeah mate, we saw it, it wasn't your fault at all, they say, nodding and tutting.

Thanks guys, I say.

I ride off.